Tired

It’s a difficult to start the week tired, but that’s been reality for the last many months. Once upon a time, I’d be tired from doing things like enjoying time outdoors, entertaining friends, and traveling. Instead, I find myself exhausted with life in 2020.

Beyond the way that depression saps my energy, I am trying to manage feeling so angry about what is happening in our world. Stepping away from most social media has helped. I used to be active on multiple platforms, but it contributed to a lot of anxiety. Reducing my online footprint has helped manage that.

I don’t know what it will take for my current level of exhaustion to abate. It feels like life continues to pile on. And yet, I also recognize that I am incredibly lucky. My basic needs are met and my family and I are not in any immediate danger. I feel guilty for the unearned advantages that bolster my safety when many others are suffering.

I’m just so tired of living with all of this tension. Even though I’m aware that things could be worse, that knowledge doesn’t change my present experience nor does it invalidate my feelings.

Thanks to cognitive behavioral therapy, I have more coping mechanisms now than I ever did before for managing my present emotional state. I am angry, and anxious, and tired, but these emotions do not rule my existence. They do not stop me from moving forward in my recovery, embracing life, and experiencing joy. I am grateful for this.

It is this energy that I am working to manifest daily. Without ignoring the difficult reality I inhabit, I remain optimistic and hopeful. I progress toward a better future. I look for ways to contribute to wholeness and healing where I am.

Spending my energy for good staves off the tiredness from steeping in what’s bad.