Yesterday started out with great promise. I walked the dog and worked out. Then, the intrusive thoughts started. In my experience with OCD, obsessions arise slowly. It begins when an idea enters my mind and then plants itself there. It’s like having an uninvited guest walk into your house, plop down on the couch, seize the remote, and change the channel to something you have absolutely no interest in but, for reasons you cannot explain, feel compelled to watch. For the next four hours.
I spent yesterday watching four hours of I don’t even know what. I just know that I couldn’t concentrate on anything that I wanted to focus on. The feelings that accompany episodes like this are shame and failure. When I have a day like yesterday, I try to bring myself back to the acceptance of the great paradox of mental health resilience. I know that it is raining and I know that the sun will come out.