Jerk Brain: You’re doing so well these days. I can’t stand it.
Me: I know, right?!? I’m engaged with living and optimistic about the future.
JB: Don’t remind me. It’s awful.
Me: You cannot be serious.
JB: We used to have so much fun together. Wake up with simmering insecurity, spend our days outrageously overcompensating… <stares off into the distance>
Me: How can you be wistful for some of the worst times in my life?
JB: <looking incredulous> Are you really asking that?
Me: No. But, yes. But, shut up!
JB: Look, girl. I’ve got one job to do. Make you so focused on your own perceived shortcomings and weaknesses that you cannot live your purpose or enjoy your life. Just a little off my game right now is all. But, don’t worry, I’ll get back to form. You’ll be a mess again in no time.
Me: Nah. Don’t think so.
JB: You’re a jerk.
Me: I know.