My regular job doesn’t allow me time to sit and think. I move from one project and deadline to the next at a frenetic pace. There are some advantages to operating at this relentless tempo. Time passes quickly and adrenaline delivers quite a rush. At the same time, there’s no opportunity to let ideas percolate or feelings soak.
With my doctoral comprehensive exams and the conference now behind me, all I have is time. Instead of relief though, I feel lost. Having exams and a presentation to prepare for allowed me to relegate my recovery and future to the far recesses of my mind. Those thoughts are now front and center. As the saying goes, denial is not a river in Egypt. At the moment, my only answer is to sit with the discomfort and let it soak in.
Seriously, Jerk Brain? 
To go from driving 200 mph in a Formula One at Le Mans to driving 20 mph through a school zone in the Hyundai daily beater is no easy task. Easy does it.
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Good analogy, but I would not say it’s a Hyundai daily beater, more like a classic sports car that has a joy all its own…but one you have to really slow down and look around to appreciate.
But, oh Queen of the Jerk Brain jungle, I hear what you are saying, ….that is the hard part regarding our line (or really any all encompassing job) of work. It allows for an almost effortless way to avoid our problems and alone time to just be with ourselves. Been there, done that. For the first six months after consciously taking myself off the road, I struggled HARD. But after a year, I am really enjoying it..most days. Except for those days that I feel insanely jealous of my colleagues or I explain that I stepped away from our upward career path. Then my jerk brain starts acting up….then I remind myself that’s Mr competitive talking (and all the things I’ve gained by taking back my work/life balance.
I hope that you find the same equilibrium some day. Until then, keep searching. We’re right here with you.
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