Recovery from a major depressive episode is tenuous. Stringing together several good days or even weeks in a row is a positive development, but it isn’t a guarantee that the event is over. Recently, I’ve been able to put a lot of good days together. It’s a great feeling.
The thing with any chronic condition, like depression, is that it only subsides or pauses. It never really goes away. It isn’t cured.
Living with depression is an exercise in keeping these two sides in tension. There is hope and there is also the void. Both exist at the same time. It is a question of which is actively expressed. I think of it a bit like the way we have all sorts of genes running around our DNA, but only a handful result in visible traits.
For now, I am on the side of optimism and clarity and working hard to stay there.