Up, down, sideways

It was hard to get up yesterday morning. I had stayed up late Monday night finishing my final paper for the course I’m taking this term and my mind was so wound up that it took a while for me to fall asleep. Originally, I had intended to get up early to do my usual online workout, but I slept through my alarm. When I finally opened my eyes, my body felt heavy. I recognized the feeling immediately as the inertia of depression. I froze. What have I done? In truth, nothing. It made perfect sense that I was exhausted and needed to rest. However, after so much time spent in recovery from depression, it’s terrifying to sense the shadows returning. What I’m learning is a recalibration of my sense of personal mental wellness.

Wellbutrin is an extended release tablet, meaning that it delivers a continuous steady stream of medication over a longer period. I can feel the difference a single dose every other day makes in that I’m experiencing more range of emotion and quicker shifts between moods. That said, I need to develop a keener sense of when a mood is just a mood and when it’s a harbinger. I’ve been on high alert for so long that I have to remind myself that blips are normal, manageable, and actually healthy.

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