As humans, we have a natural tendency to make assumptions and form opinions about others based on their actions, words, and behavior. It’s just how we operate. And, it’s important to realize that we never truly know what’s happening in someone else’s head.
We may think we understand why someone is behaving a certain way, but in reality, we have no clue. It’s important to remember that each person’s experiences, thoughts, and emotions are unique to them, and what we see on the surface may only be the tip of the iceberg, it is also likely none of our business, despite our curiosity.
As someone who lives with OCD, this is hard for me in two ways. First, it‘s rarely obvious to people that my compulsive behaviors aren’t impulsive. And, sometimes more frustratingly, because I am also human, even when I know another person is struggling with a similar condition, I want to tell them to stop, to knock it off, to just let go, or forget about the obsessive thoughts infiltrating their brain. If only it were that simple.
Most of us know that, instead of making assumptions or jumping to conclusions, we should strive to practice empathy and understanding. We can ask questions, listen actively, and try to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. But ultimately, we need to accept that we may never fully know what’s happening in someone else’s head, and that’s okay.
This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to connect with others or show them compassion. In fact, acknowledging our own limitations in understanding others can lead to greater humility and a deeper appreciation for the complexity of human experience, not to mention preserving friendships.
So, the next time you find yourself wondering what’s going on in someone else’s head, remember to approach the situation with an open mind and a willingness to learn. Instead of guessing or assuming, try to understand that you may never know the full story, and focus on being present and supportive in the moment.
From history major, with side quests in Medieval Studies and chemical engineering, to nonprofit finance leader, Big 4 tax partner, technologist, researcher, and now co-founder of Divine, nothing about my career has been linear. The throughline has always been systems: financial systems, organizational systems, technological systems, and human systems. I have an MBA in Operations and Supply Chain Management and a PhD in Organizational Leadership Psychology, and I’ve spent my career trying to understand how complex systems shape people’s choices, opportunities, wellbeing, and sense of belonging. Today, my work sits at the intersection of psychology, technology, human-centered design, and digital trust. I am co-founder of Divine, an open-source, decentralized social video app built to put creativity back in human hands and replace doomscrolling with joyscrolling. Divine is part of a bigger question I care deeply about: how do we create online spaces that support safety, creativity, identity, and belonging without defaulting to surveillance, extraction, or control? At Divine, I wear a lot of hats across engineering, finance, operations, and strategy, while helping shape the app’s trust, safety, and values work. I focus especially on teen online safety, human-generated content, participatory design, and healthier relationships with technology. I am a postdoctoral alum of Vanderbilt University’s Department of Computer Science, where I worked with Dr. Pam Wisniewski’s Socio-Technical Interaction Research Lab. I continue to write, speak, and research at the intersection of online safety, digital trust, decentralized technology, and youth wellbeing. I was named a Distinguished Fellow at the Institute for Data Integrity in 2023. In 2025, I had the honor of serving as President of Division 13 of the American Psychological Association, the Society of Consulting Psychology. I also live with major depressive disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder. In 2020, I took a leave from PwC to focus on my mental wellness, and I now speak and write openly about mental health, especially in the workplace and in relation to digital wellbeing. This blog, Seriously Jerk Brain, chronicles much of that journey.
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4 Comments
Especially is this difficult in a work environment. People’s empathy account is strictly limited by how of their money is at risk. If the other person’s actions (or non-actions), willful or involuntary, cause serious risk (and one person’s serious risk perception varies widely from another’s), then goodwill rapidly diminishes.
Especially is this difficult in a work environment. People’s empathy account is strictly limited by how of their money is at risk. If the other person’s actions (or non-actions), willful or involuntary, cause serious risk (and one person’s serious risk perception varies widely from another’s), then goodwill rapidly diminishes.
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Very interesting. It would be helpful to know more about how your OCD manifests itself. Is it just the thoughts
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Your posts are so refreshing Liz. You help others cope. Thank you for this blessing
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Thank you, Carma!
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